please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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