No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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