there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Randomize
