I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
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