I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
