First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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