I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Couch. On fire.
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