I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
