Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
