omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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