Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
