I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
