Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
