Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
