Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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