Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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