Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
