Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
