watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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