i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We don't watch enough power rangers
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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