im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
We smell like vodka and hangover
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