Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
