Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Even my vagina gasped.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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