I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
