His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just forgot I was standing up.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
