I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
What changed your mind?
Being sober
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
