I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
