Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i wish my penis had a tongue
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
