so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
