yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I think I am morally bankrupt
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Terrible idea I love it
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
