you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
