I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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