Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
