i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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