She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
