i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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