I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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