hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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