I'm so fucking centered right now
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
