no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
This is classic penis vs brain.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The Olympian is in my bed
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
