Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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