I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
