Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
