party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
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