We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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