Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
