So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You were trust falling into bushes
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
