I think I can smell my own vagina right now
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
