It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
