I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
